Pizza Delivery
by Ms Bat
Summary: Oneshot. Ghosts, creepy things going bump in the night, penny pinching ghost hunters… delivering pizza just wasn’t what it used to be...


~ Pizza Delivery ~

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of _Ghost Hunt_.

* * *

When Kunogi Kuroki took on the pizza delivery job at the deserted branch of Punyan Pizza Palace, he'd expected it to be a piece of cake. Surrounded as it was by agricultural hills rolling in softly rustling rice fields and lush streams filled to the brim with fresh fish, the pizza shop stood out like a sore thumb and was naturally treated as such by the self-sufficient farming community who boycotted it as much as possible.

On that fateful day, Kunogi had been recruited by the chain-smoking chef to dice the new stock of mushrooms. While he was at it, there was a loud bang just beyond the front entrance of the pizzeria and the cook snorted. "Must have hit the signpost again," he muttered and went out to check. There were loud sounds of protest and someone distinctly hollered "Idiot scientist" before petering off into an indistinct mutter. As if the natural forces were just as annoyed with the pizzeria's location as its human inhabitants, there was a large ditch just beyond the blind turn of the shop and the occasional vehicle, unfamiliar with the terrain would inevitably ram into the ill-placed warning sign. By the time Kunogi had finished dicing and gone out to inspect the damage too, all he saw was the tail end of a dust trail kicked up by two sleek black vans in the distance. The cook grunted. "Looks like some company outing," he remarked disinterestedly before going back into the air-conditioned comfort of the shop.

Of the five times Kunogi had made a delivery in his first month at work in such a infrequently visited locale, once had been to a family that had been holidaying in the wilderness and had lost most of their equipment and food to an unexpected flash flood. Another time, it had been his university classmate who had ordered a pepperoni cheese for the novelty of seeing Kunogi chug up on the hideous neon orange company issued motorbike only to be berated by his grandmother for violating the sanctity of her 'girlhood' home which had (apparently) up until his appearance, remained surrounded by 'unspoilt virgin landscape'. With so much free time on his hands, Kunogi whiled away the hours at the shop by intermittently working on his term project or napping. It was during one such nap that the phone rang abruptly. Twitching irritably, he picked up the call. "Punyan Pizza Palace, how may I help you?" he mumbled blearily into the phone.

"Hello?" the pleasant feminine voice on the other side chirped. "I would like to order two large pizzas please." Kunogi instantly leapt awake. It was a customer, and a young, pretty sounding _female_ one at that!

"Oh yeah! What toppings would you like?"

There was a scuffle of sorts on the other end and a male voice shouted, "No pepperoni! My band's _always _ordering that," before it was replaced by the first voice again.

"_Gomen_!" the girl said apologetically before a plethora of orders was shouted down the line.

"No capsicums please Mai! I hate them…"

"Mushrooms. There has to be mushrooms and anchovies."

"Eww…"

"Squid rings! My grandmother always said…"

"Hey, what does Naru want?"

"I want four cheese!" the male voice earlier interrupted again before being cut off by a loud whack.

"We'll order one pepperoni and one mushroom cheese," the girl (Mai! What a lovely name) said firmly to a background of disappointed sighs and cheers.

"Alright. Address please, miss?" Kunogi eagerly took down the order and address before handing the slip over to the chef who stubbed out his cigarette and went to work.

Forty minutes after leaving the pizzeria, Kunogi was lost. He'd consulted the map earlier and according to it, the place was a mere 15 minutes drive from the shop. Although he had gotten off at the right turning (he had double-checked), there had been a broken down gate that hadn't been reflected on it. Sighing deeply at his misfortune, the young man had climbed carefully over it and into the woodland beyond. The sunlight had faded and Kunogi was thinking how no voice was worth hanging around a dingy, humid and godforsaken forest for when he espied a glowing light ahead.

The light turned out to be a solitary lamp that hung over the verandah of a weather-beaten wooden hut that sprawled untidily into the gloom. Kunogi was trying to make out if the faded number plaque on the wall was the same as the address he had when something moved behind the dusty windows. Before he even had time to inspect the window however, the door exploded outwards. Kunogi yelped and dived behind a pillar as it did. "Oh dear! Did I hurt you? I didn't know anyone was outside," a voice said anxiously. "M-Miss Taniyama?" he squeaked. The figure stepped into the spot of light and Kunogi found himself looking at a girl, no _young_ _woman_ in her late teens or early twenties who was peering back at him out of round hazel eyes. "Oh, you must be from the pizza place! _Gomenasai_! I still tend to miss sometimes. The new spell's more complicated than the one I'm used to…" she explained cheerfully before helping him up. Spell? Missing? What on earth…Kunogi barely had time to register her explanation (if it could be called such) when he bumped into something stolidly human. Looking up, he was absolutely certain he was looking at the butler from hell. As he backed away in sudden terror, the tall and impeccably dressed man spoke to Mai.

"What happened?"

"Lin-san! I was chasing the _onibi_ out when I bumped into the pizza delivery man."

The tall man surveyed him as if inspecting him for remnant spook fires clinging to his person.

"P-pardon m-me if I seem r-rude…" Kunogi swallowed nervously and tried not to act as if he was trying to hide behind Mai who stared round at him in confusion. "But, you wouldn't be here on holiday by any chance would you?"

A tall lady dressed in the robes of a miko tutted loudly. "Holiday? You've to be _kidding _me. I've worked with this lot for more than 4 years already and I haven't seen their boss take so much as a _day's_ break."

"Eheheh… We're paranormal investigators. The owner of the holiday inns requested us to exorcise the infestation of _onibi_ that have been haunting this building."

Kunogi shuddered. It would just be his sort of luck to have to deliver pizza to a bunch of self-professed lunatics. Before he could make his excuses and escape, Mai had seized him by the elbow. Misinterpreting his shudder as one of fear, the cheerful part-timer smiled kindly at him.

"They aren't actually dangerous, but this group seems to be unusually mischievous."

Kunogi was not in the least reassured though in the face of such a warm-hearted (and pretty) girl, he could hardly bring himself to disagree, that and how Lin-san had been peering at him sternly.

"Why don't you join us for supper first? It must have been tough getting here. Even _Naru_ got lost trying to find this place," Mai continued as she sat him at a table surrounded by yet even more oddball people. There was a Buddhist monk engaged in deep conversation with a Catholic priest while a petite woman in a kimono sat nearby listening.

"Er…I…" Kunogi's attempt to excuse himself was interrupted when yet another person strode into the room. This one was a remarkably fine specimen of a darkly _bishounen_ type, with intense brooding eyes. Feeling that he ought to be friendlier, Kusonogi beamed at him. To his discomfort, the man merely ignored him and instead picked up the very last mushroom and cheese slice amidst loud protestations from the monk (that is, if monks usually came attached with bleached hair).

"Oi, Naru! That's mine! Eat the pepperoni instead," he grumbled to no effect when the former merely gave him a look before adding another 3 pepperoni slices to the box.

"Mai?"

She got up, blushing slightly when he gestured for her to follow him. "That's the boss. I'll be back real quick," she whispered. "And the rest of you better play nice," she warned before running lightly out. As she joined him at the door, the young boss of S.P.R. glared pointedly at Kunogi before following Mai out.

"Still childish I see."

"Yeah. After three years you would think he'd learnt to chill by now."

"Pardon me…but did Naru-san just glare at me?"

"Oh yes," the miko nodded and helped herself to the second last slice of pizza.

"Naru's really possessive when it comes to Mai," explained Takigawa round a mouthful of iced tea.

"Even after all this time," they added simultaneously.

* * *

"No way! Why do I have to pay?" the monk, who's name he learnt was Takigawa Houshou whined.

"That's because you ate the most," the kimono clad woman explained as she dabbed at the corner of her mouth daintily.

"Well, you can't expect me to pay," Mai said comfortably as she flopped down on the table and yawned. "If the _onibi _aren't going to turn up again I'm going to fall asleep."

"If you do, Naru will dock your pay," the butler from hell interjected drily as he tapped away at his laptop.

"Ah! That's right, S.P.R. is responsible for catering all meals isn't it?" Takigawa said triumphantly.

"Absolutely not. The company is not responsible for snack billing," Lin retorted without once looking up.

"Then shouldn't the person who wanted the pizza pay up?" Takigawa protested indignantly.

"If I recall correctly, it was you who coerced Mai into making the call," Masako reminded him snidely. The door swung open and Ayako walked in. She looked around and then seemed to notice that Kunogi was still there.

"Why is he still here? This place is dangerous at night!" she demanded.

"I haven't been paid yet, ma'am," he explained meekly. As Ayako swelled angrily at the unintended reference to her seniority, the rest of the crew stifled giggles. The monk on the other hand, was openly doubled over in laughter.

"What's going on? I don't pay you all to laugh. Houshou, go assist John in exorcising the south wing." The boss, Naru, had apparently returned.

Takigawa grinned. "Ah! Just the man we need. Naru-bou, if you will do the honours…?" he glanced meaningfully at the bill in Kunogi's hand. Naru spared the piece of paper an indifferent glance and then flipped open his file.

"It's only fair if the person who wanted supper pays," he said with a hint of a smirk.

"Not you too!" the monk wailed. He might have gone on but orbs of bluish light shot into the room through the room which Naru had just vacated and the temperature dropped suddenly. Most of the ghost hunters leapt straight into action and Kunogi found himself bundled into a corner as the glowing lights slowly turned an aggressive looking red.

"Lin!" Naru warned sharply as a trio of the lights dived straight at him.

There was a loud crash where the tall man tripped over the young man and Kunogi stared uselessly as Lin got up, grimacing in pain slightly. "Are you alright? Is this normal?" he asked aloud, before gulping nervously when the Chinese man fixed him with a look that clearly said _shut up if you value your life_.

"Mai, get that idiot out. He's getting in everyone's way," Naru hissed as a soaring table lamp barely missed their heads and John was forced to abandon his vial of holy water when Kunogi shrieked and clung to him. Evidently, the poor student had found the priest to be the most reassuring person of the motley crew and had latched on to him with disastrous effects. With one of their principle exorcist encumbered as he was, the exorcism was going badly. Moreover, to add fuel to fire, in blindly running about earlier, Kunogi had somehow managed to erase the protective markings chalked on the floor. As shrine maiden and Buddhist monk worked to hold the majority of the _onibi _at bay, the Chinese man waded over the shifting furniture and wobbling floor and hauled him up by the scruff of his neck. Without a word, he waded back across, towing the pizza deliverer single-handedly and thrust him at Mai.

"Here," he said ominously before going back to the fray.

"Wait out here," Mai told the visibly frightened man as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear distractedly. "Oh, and don't touch anything," she said when a loud crash came from the room beyond. Sighing heavily, Mai ran back the way they'd came, hoping against hope that having got the accident prone man out of the way, he would have less opportunity to stir up trouble…

While pacing about the small verandah nervously, Kunogi considered giving the pizzeria a call, only to discover that his mobile had no reception. Sighing despondently, he leaned backwards onto a metal rail which wobbled dangerously. As he moved away hastily, the entire scaffolding which the rail had been part of gave way entirely.

Several very noisy and dusty minutes later, the crew of S.P.R. stood within a pile of rubble, coated from head to toe in dust and bits of wood. Most of the mischievous _onibi_ had fled in the ruckus and Naru was seething at their wasted effort. When it became clear that Kunogi was the culprit behind the collapse of the frail building, the majority of them turned on him with evil eyes to rival Naru's.

"Kunogi-kun! What're you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work? Chef Oda was looking for you." a familiar voice enquired from just beyond the borders of the light.

"Thank the gods, Yasuhara, you're back!" Takigawa announced before frowning, "Wait, you _know _this idiot?"

The speaker stepped forward, spectacles flashing in the sudden glare of the torches. "I figured you'll be hungry so I brought you guys supper," he said to more than one groan. Yasuhara held up the flat orange packages in his hand in puzzlement. "Why? What's wrong?" he asked innocently as the unmistakable scent of pepperoni rose into the air…

* * *


End file.
